


What Is This?

by angelofthequeers



Series: Love's Touch [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aromantic Castiel, Asexual Castiel, Asexual Dean, Asexual Relationship, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cuddly Dean, Dean actually talks about his feelings, Fluff, Intimacy, Kissing, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Queerplatonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 15:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7689703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelofthequeers/pseuds/angelofthequeers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But if we're not boyfriends or whatever, and we're not just two best friends, what the hell are we?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Is This?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own SPN.
> 
> So I wasn't planning on continuing in this 'verse but…meh, I needed something to get me back into writing after ANOTHER near breakdown. I also seem to have developed an aversion to smut and find myself wanting to read more about non-sexual intimacy than the repetitive motions of sex.
> 
> And then I wonder why I never get laid.
> 
> I'm also not sure exactly what this relationship is. I mean, there's kissing and cuddling and stuff but…who says you can't do that intimate stuff with a close friend? I wanna give non-romantic-but-more-than-just-friends Destiel a go.

Dean wasn't sure exactly what this was with Cas. Despite his feelings for Cas, it wasn't romantic…but they were way too touchy-feely to be 'just friends'. So were they platonic? He didn't know. It felt like more than just 'two best friends'.

After a while, he just stopped caring enough to try and label it. They were Dean and Cas. He was happy enough with that.

And sure, despite his complete non-attraction in that way, Dean still wanted to sleep with Cas. Cas had said himself that he would be okay if that ever happened; that he wouldn't seek it out, but he wouldn't reject it either. But that desire largely stayed in the background. Sure, Dean wanted it, but he didn't _want_ it. If it happened, it happened.

That seemed to be his philosophy concerning a lot of stuff lately.

"I enjoy this very much," Cas murmured that night. Dean nodded in agreement, then realised that the angel couldn't see this with his eyes closed.

"Same. It's…nice."

He nearly gagged on the sappiness but it was true. He'd never been able to just hold someone like this in the past; just lying together in bed, with no further expectation or pressure to take things further. He'd had these rare moments with Cassie but they seemed to be fighting and having angry make-up sex more than they were actually being affectionate. And he'd had these moments with Lisa but, more often than not, they always led to something more. It was an alien feeling, just being able to hold someone for the sake of holding them and having a warm body snuggled up to him with no expectations on either side.

"I also particularly enjoy listening to your heartbeat." Cas shifted his head so that his ear was pressed to Dean's chest, his soft hair tickling Dean's chin and nose. "With your life, where you can die at any moment and _have_ died many times before, it serves as a reassuring reminder that you are still alive and strong. Your heartbeat is my favourite song."

Dean groaned, though he couldn't deny that he enjoyed the warm fuzziness that filled him.

"You cheesy sap," he mumbled. "You can't just say lovey-dovey shit like that!"

"It wasn't intended to be romantic."

Dean frowned.

"Yeah. Can we talk about…this? Whatever this is?"

"It's whatever you want it to be, Dean."

"Yeah, it doesn't work that way." Dean began to idly stroke Cas' silky hair. "Talk, Cas. I've dealt with enough communication problems in normal relationships and this isn't normal."

"Does that bother you?"

These words were said in an almost whisper. Dean momentarily paused in his stroking of Cas' hair.

"Not really. Nothing I ever do is normal. But if we're not boyfriends or whatever, and we're not just two best friends, what the hell are we?"

Cas shrugged.

"I don't know. Whatever you'd like us to be."

Dean groaned again.

"Cas, it _doesn't_ freaking work that way! You've gotta have some sorta opinion on this!"

Even though it was dark, Dean could just tell that Cas' piercing blue eyes were fixed on him.

"I'm an angel, Dean. I don't have 'feelings' in the same way that humans do. All I know is that I love you with every fibre of my being. It isn't romantic. It isn't brotherly. It just…is. So long as I get to have you and provide you with the intimacy you desire, I'm happy. If you want this to be romantic then I will love you in that way to the best of my abilities. All I desire from this is being as close to you as I can."

"That's not how this works, Cas! You can't force yourself to be happy in a romantic relationship when you don't lo – when you don't feel that way about me!"

"So if this is not romantic, and it is not simply two people who are as close as brothers, then what is it?"

"I don't freaking know. It just...is."

He felt Cas' lips curve into a smile against his chest.

"Then there is your answer."

Silence fell on the dark room.

"You asshole," Dean said, his voice shaking with amusement. "I was making a mountain outta a molehill, wasn't I?"

"On the contrary." Cas began to trace patterns on Dean's bare stomach, making the other man shiver. "I'm glad we had this conversation now. Far better to talk now than to allow these misunderstandings to escalate. And I wanted you to reach that conclusion yourself. We just…are."

Grinning, Dean pressed a kiss to Cas' head before pausing.

"That okay? All that cheesy lovey stuff? 'Cause I wanna do that but if you don't like it –"

"I do like it," Cas interrupted. "And I wish to reciprocate all of that 'cheesy lovey stuff'. Just because these actions have been deemed 'romantic' by society doesn't mean that I don't want to do them. They just would not be romantic for us. Or for me, at least. I don't mind if you view them as romantic."

Dean shrugged.

"Don't care if they're romantic or not. I just want the closeness. Fuck, I sound like a real chick. If Sam ever freaking found out…"

The laughter that Cas huffed out was like music to his ears.

"Then he won't. And the closeness is also what I desire."

He pushed himself up to press a kiss to Dean's lips. Dean eagerly reciprocated, running his fingers through Cas' hair and relishing in having Cas pressed against him with his lips working against his, and a small twinge of disappointment poked at his insides when Cas pulled away and snuggled back against him.

"I enjoyed that. And it didn't feel romantic to me in any way."

Dean just blinked. Despite his feelings for Cas, it hadn't felt at all like what kissing Cassie and Lisa had been like. But it hadn't felt like he was kissing Sam either. It was just…different.

"Yeah. Same here."

"You're sure that you still want me, Dean? Even though I can't ever feel that way towards you?'

Dean tightened his arms around Cas and twirled a short lock of dark hair around his finger.

"Dude, I think this is all I need. But why all that insistence on 'romance strengthening our profound bond' or whatever?"

"Many humans cannot understand that there are more forms of love than familial or romantic. I thought that engaging in a romantic relationship would be simple enough for your understanding, while I would know full well what I desired from this relationship."

"You calling me dumb?" Dean lightly swatted Cas on the head. Cas laughed.

"On the contrary, Dean. You're incredibly smart. You can just be rather dense sometimes."

"Hey!"

But despite his indignation, Dean hadn't felt this happy or content in ages. This wasn't something he was gonna be giving up too quickly.


End file.
